HATE

HATE is one of the most used words in the English language.  I hate it, I hate you, I would hate to, I would hate not to.  One can go on forever with instances where many people use the word Hate.

How do you feel when you hate something?  Do you feel like it is just a part of your everyday language, that to use the word hate is no big deal?  Is that an OK way to feel about using the word “hate”?  Personally, I don’t think that is a problem.  I feel the problem occurs when it becomes the "real deal".  When you hate someone or something so much that it takes control of your thinking and actions, and eventually your inner being; that is the "real deal".  It eats at your inner being so much that it starts to overwhelm you, sometimes on a daily basis.

The other night on Face Book, I was in a conversation with several friends and the conversation moved to some of our parents.  As I was talking to one of my friends, I got to thinking about how I first knew his parents.  It made me think of the first time I recall having the true feeling of hate.

Miss McGinley, and I do not know the spelling, was my first grade teacher.  I thought she was the prettiest lady I had ever seen.  I even had the idea that when I grew up, perhaps she and I would get married.  She really was a nice, pretty lady.

Soon after my first grade year, I heard that Miss McGinley was getting married.  My heart was broken and I was really pretty upset.  I heard later that it was to a farmer up north of town.  The information of the marriage was tough, but once I knew more of whom she was going to marry, it started a new feeling that I had not felt before.  I really hated that “farmer guy from up north” for stealing her from me.

Of course, being only six or seven years old, the hatred did not last a long time, at least I don’t recall that it did.  I do however, remember the feeling of that first hatred.  I remember wanting bad things to happen to this guy.  Not just him getting hurt, but hoping he would die.  I also knew I did not like that feeling.

Miss McGinley went ahead and married that farmer from north of town.  His name was Bob Borland.  When we bought the John Deere in 1962 I met Bob.  I don’t remember when for sure, but while I was in high school.  What a great guy he was.  He was funny and seemed to be able to relate to me and I really liked that in him.  When I found out that he was the farmer that had married Miss McGinley, those memories came back to me.  I did not hate him anymore, but I did remember how I felt then and how much I had hated him.

As I said above, when hate becomes the “real deal”, it is time to look at what it is doing to you.  When I was young, I hated Bob Borland enough to have him die.  It did not last long, even at a young age I must have known that I needed to let it go.  As I grew older, I had other hatreds along the way.  I don’t recall any lingering hatreds from high school or college, but in my adult life, there have been a few that lingered on for quite some time.  I am not proud of that, it is just the way it was.

They say that time heals all wounds.  I think that is pretty much right, but not always.  I have had hatreds that have eaten at me to such lengths that I found they were causing problems even with my loved ones and friends.  Hate can start out having a soothing effect, but I promise you, it will not stay that way.  If you allow it to linger, it one day will hurt so much that eventually you will have to address it.  To not address it may make the price you will be forced to pay, more than you can afford.

I don’t want to get into religion to a great extent, but I am a true believer in God.  To me, ones religion does not matter as long as they are trying to live a good life and try to treat everyone around them in a Godly way.  I did not always believe in God however.  I had always believed there was a Jesus.  History told me that he was a real person.  But God is not a real person, so I found it hard to fathom something on that high level using faith alone. 

Then, I met the devil.  Not really met him, but I started to believe there really was a devil.  How could people do such atrocities to innocent men, women and children that we see almost daily, either in our personal lives or on TV?  The only explanation for me was there had to be a devil.  Once I knew there was a devil, believing there was a true God was just the next step in my thought process.

The reason I bring up God is that God is one way to rid yourself of hatred.  Living in our world today is not easy.  For those that do not believe in God, I wonder how they handle hatred.  I know that once I came to know there was a higher being, forgiveness came much easier for me.  God could be your way to work through your hatreds as well.

What I want to say mostly is that hatred is a burden for everyone that harbors it.  It will eat at you, even if you do not know it is doing so.  If you find that you have hatred and decide to rid yourself of it, there is no right or wrong way to do so.  Forgive and forget may be one way to do it; confronting those you hate may be the best.  It is important that once you realize that you are being controlled by hatred, that you are being consumed by the "real deal", you must become its master or it will be your master. 

Pete Thomas

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COMMENTS

If you cannot reach me by clicking on the "COMMENTS" link, please email me at cimarronkansas@hotmail.com with "Hate" in the subject line.

Pete:

That was a very nice story and I enjoyed it a lot. I’ll have to send a link to Kathleen, I know she’d like it too. At one time I had scanned a bunch of their wedding pictures, but hard drive crashes and ‘puter failures, plus having about seven or ten different ‘puters – well, they’re not on this one! Anyways, Dad and Bill get kissed and the other gal is Mother’s older sis Judy. She passed away a couple of years ago, her ex husband is still alive and I keep in touch with him. His name is Pleasant (Kim) Kimball, owns Valve and Filter Corp in Aurora? and he invented the Kimball valve – it’s a big deal in water treatment and cooling systems.

 See ya on Algore’s Innertubes!  Jeff        http://crazedpw.blogspot.com/

Thanks for the note.  I am not a big Al Gore fan as I know you are not as well.  I will end with... The Force Be With You, and ... Live long and prosper.

Miss (Mary Jo) McGinley.  This proves I have always had good taste in women. Mary Jo and her Sister Judy kissing Bob. Judy and Mary Jo kissing Bob's brother Bill.
     

Pete, I am Jeff's younger sister. I liked your story involving our parents. Mother would have enjoyed it!! It is so nice to hear from people who had her as a teacher. Gib Benton told me one time that he had Mother for his teacher also. Thanks so much for what you said! She was pretty special to us!!

Kathleen Borland

And as I am sure you know, to many of her students as well.  Thanks for the note.  Pete

Dodge City Marshal (From Cimarron) Allen Bailey
Great Article Pete. It's interesting that you talk about hate 'eating you up'. I read a study not long ago that linked cancer with grudges. It stated that when the stats were in on their study, that almost without exception, the cancer patients surveyed had had some sort of experience within a year of being diagnosed that had caused them to hate someone, and they had refused to let it go.
God bless and keep up the writing.
Allen

WESTERN SWING AND OTHER THINGS
Dodge City's Marshal; Allen D. Bailey & Cowgirl Janey
Broadcasting western swing across the high plains for 21 years.
2004 inductee into the Kansas Western Swing Hall Of Fame.
2009 inductee into the Wester Swing Society of the Southwest Hall Of Fame.
2010 Cowtown Society Of Western Music - Disc Jockey Of The Year.
Broadcasting live from the Swinging Gate Ranch every Saturday morning from 10AM until 1PM over a five state region, via the High Plains Public Radio Network and world-wide over the web at www.hppr.org.
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